Coping with Grief During the Holidays
Whether you are ready or not, the holiday season is upon us. The world used to wait until at least Nov 1st before beginning the holiday push, but now it seems that the Halloween costumes aren’t even put away before stores are hanging twinkling lights and wheeling out the life-sized Santa Claus. By December, it is nearly impossible to go anywhere (even scrolling your own phone) without being bombarded with holiday marketing campaigns.
We are sold an unattainable expectation of perfection—one that is rarely the reality for most people. If you don’t fully embrace the holiday spirit, there is fear of being labeled a “grinch” or “scrooge”, as though you are choosing to be negative on purpose.
The harsh truth is that for some, in addition to stress, the holiday season brings up intense feelings of loss and grief.
Despite cheery mantras like “look on the bright side”, holiday festivities are often a brutal reminder of what we don’t have and who should be at the table but won’t be. Grief for our family and friends that are no longer with us can make the holiday hype almost unbearable, as though we are wrong for having these feelings during what should be a joyous time.
People often don’t know how to respond to sadness during the holidays as they too are working really hard to create and provide a memorable holiday experience.
We need to recognize that there can be sadness within all that sparkle and shine.
That’s why I encourage you to ring in the holiday season in a way that respects your feelings and guards your heart.
Here are just some of the ways we can cope with grief during this time:
Choose to be around people who are not afraid to talk about your sadness
Give yourself permission to make the holidays whatever you need them to be
Create new traditions that honour you and what you have gone through
This could include lighting a candle for those you miss, expressing your feelings in a journal, or looking through photos and reminiscing
Give yourself grace and participate in what you can and want to—also give yourself permission to say NO when you don’t want to
Talk about your person and share stories of past holidays spent with them
Turn off those horrible commercials and unfollow social media accounts that portray only the “perfect” families enjoying the holidays (Remember, they are getting paid to smile like that!)
Talk about how you are really feeling and risk the judgement you may get for not "embracing" this season
Reach out for help when needed—check out a grief support group near you
Know that it’s okay to be real! Who knows, you may be able to help someone else who is afraid to share how they are really feeling during this time
Most of all, be kind to yourself and experience the holidays in whatever way works for you
As a famous donkey once said (Shrek the Halls—check it out):
“My mama used to say, Christmas ain’t Christmas until somebody cries.”
Written by Kim Gale-Gotowiec